Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
