Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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