Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
