my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this will be a night to untag.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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