she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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