the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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