He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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