This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
