If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize