Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
