No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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