just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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