ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
