I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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