did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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