Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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