I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
