In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
