ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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