I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
