Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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