did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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