I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
