if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
