Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
