i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
