Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
