I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
