do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
