your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
