my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize