So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
