Will you blow on my dice?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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