So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
