Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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