Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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