My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
