Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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