also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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