i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
