dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't special order awesome
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
