Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
