Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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