i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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