Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
