Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
