come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
