I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
