the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
