I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
why is half of my head shaved?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
