Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
