2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
