i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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