im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
