when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
