I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
