Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
