just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize