I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
