I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize