maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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