We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
