1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
