I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
