You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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