She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize