my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
