dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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