I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
