Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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(410): View more from Maryland

...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

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(905): View more from Ontario

MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.

(847): View more from Illinois

It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?

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