I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize