I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
