If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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