I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
