Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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