she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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