I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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