Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Holy shit dude........stairs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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