i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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